please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
