people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
