Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
