Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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