lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
