we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
