shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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