i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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