i may or may not be watching the land before time
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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