Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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