And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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