Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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