I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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