dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
