she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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