do herpes really smell.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
