it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How external is "for external use only"?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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