i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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