I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
