I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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