I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
