We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
