i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
