if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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