when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
