After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When are your genitals available?
I did not marry a roomba.
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