I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
worst night to have a conscience
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
