I think I died a long time ago.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
