One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
