I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
