I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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