we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
