3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Houston, we have a squirter
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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