u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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