We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
