Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
