No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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