when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
