Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
