Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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