I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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