i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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