Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
