Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
