i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
