What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
