this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
