Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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