im drinking this country out of the recession.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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