you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
