he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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