i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
